The biggest issue is that the paper is really under-footnoted, especially in the later part. The reader needs to know what material you're working from, what sources you're using -- all of which demonstrates knowledge of your research (please see attached for what I flag in terms of where sources are needed). Also, I'd maybe have an introductory paragraph that explains how you'll be discussing the Third Crusade and the exchanges that resulted--anything that presents a wider picture to the reader. Finally, those sections in the latter part of the essay could all be combined in one big section. The conclusion should be added to, its a bit short as is.